Post by dextro on Aug 22, 2013 0:28:35 GMT -8
I used to be an antelope, frolicking in the Chilean coca fields. But the serene life of a tweaking Bovidae wasn't what fate had in store for me. Knowing neither what mail was or how to read, I received a letter contained "CS:S" in sanskrit and I knew it was time to grow thumbs. So I did; then I called for my friend Steve the Monito del Monte. Knowing I would need all of my strength for the road ahead he transported me via electric slide to untamed wilds of America.
It was in America I learned to speak Mandarin (the native language) and what a DOS prompt was. With these tools in hand I quickly became a prominent figure in Ricochet, the sequel to Counter Strike 1.6. It wasn't until almost 17 years later that the team I had rage quit earlier in the season went CAL-IM. Smelling an opportunity to ride some coattails I tasked Steve with infiltrating the cadre of my old comrades, he succeeded.
Unfortunately for Steve I was actually a Kudu all along and so I consumed him. In this action I both gained 2 levels and gained his spot on my old team (by right of familial succession). And so it came to pass that I became one of the few, the elite, the highly unemployed members of a group of degenerates known to historians as "Folks who can flash but still don't know where the prone button is". It is here I would spend just over 9000 seasons of competitive play as 1 of only 2 team members that actually played on the team more than 2 weeks a year. And so it was that our backs broke under the weight of a revolving door of people whose main games were SSB:Brawl and WoW. Also CAL stopped existing and I uninstalled Source.
Fast forward 9 years, Detroit, 1987, two weeks ago. After a particularly lovely swim in a pool full of heroin soaked grapes, it occured to me, steam has acheivments now and since Bono hasn't invented time travel yet these acheivments are not indicative of the several lifetimes I had wasted on Day of Defeat: Source (the sequel to Counter Strike 1.6), this is a transgression that could not be allowed to stand. I struck out in search of somewhere worthwhile to pour more man hours into not getting laid and I came upon the Iku. Featuring maps like de_storm and CoD's Crash in addition to cs_depression (the most popular l4d2 map), I knew I had found a home.
But then tragedy struck. Apparently all of the salt I had mined all those years ago had turned to confectioner sugar and I was banned for aimbotting. Knowing of only 2 ways to deal with this (the first being exiling myself to the moon using laxative propulsion) I went with the second best course of action, writing an autobiography and appealing for my very life.
So here we are, huffing glitter and doing back flips into pools full of gold bars. Its like christmas in Russia.
It was in America I learned to speak Mandarin (the native language) and what a DOS prompt was. With these tools in hand I quickly became a prominent figure in Ricochet, the sequel to Counter Strike 1.6. It wasn't until almost 17 years later that the team I had rage quit earlier in the season went CAL-IM. Smelling an opportunity to ride some coattails I tasked Steve with infiltrating the cadre of my old comrades, he succeeded.
Unfortunately for Steve I was actually a Kudu all along and so I consumed him. In this action I both gained 2 levels and gained his spot on my old team (by right of familial succession). And so it came to pass that I became one of the few, the elite, the highly unemployed members of a group of degenerates known to historians as "Folks who can flash but still don't know where the prone button is". It is here I would spend just over 9000 seasons of competitive play as 1 of only 2 team members that actually played on the team more than 2 weeks a year. And so it was that our backs broke under the weight of a revolving door of people whose main games were SSB:Brawl and WoW. Also CAL stopped existing and I uninstalled Source.
Fast forward 9 years, Detroit, 1987, two weeks ago. After a particularly lovely swim in a pool full of heroin soaked grapes, it occured to me, steam has acheivments now and since Bono hasn't invented time travel yet these acheivments are not indicative of the several lifetimes I had wasted on Day of Defeat: Source (the sequel to Counter Strike 1.6), this is a transgression that could not be allowed to stand. I struck out in search of somewhere worthwhile to pour more man hours into not getting laid and I came upon the Iku. Featuring maps like de_storm and CoD's Crash in addition to cs_depression (the most popular l4d2 map), I knew I had found a home.
But then tragedy struck. Apparently all of the salt I had mined all those years ago had turned to confectioner sugar and I was banned for aimbotting. Knowing of only 2 ways to deal with this (the first being exiling myself to the moon using laxative propulsion) I went with the second best course of action, writing an autobiography and appealing for my very life.
So here we are, huffing glitter and doing back flips into pools full of gold bars. Its like christmas in Russia.